Can we talk about salads? Or, more accurately, “salads”?

I love a good chopped salad full of many different, healthy things, one with lots of texture and a good blend of salt-sweet-acid-umami. But sometimes…you just need, like, some iceberg and blue cheese, damnit. A “salad,” if you will. One of my favorite ways to eat iceberg is at Outback Steakhouse with my husband, just before he orders too much meat and I order extra salmon.

This recipe is my attempt to recreate the same experience at home, with minimal dishes and maximum nonsense. Enjoy!

Fake Outback Wedge Salads

1 head of iceberg, core removed, cut in 6-8 wedges
1/2-ish pound of bacon, cooked and crumbled (leftover is fine)
a good handful of cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered
3-4 oz. of bleu cheese crumbles
your favorite blue cheese dressing (I actually love this with a greek yogurt-based dressing, but I’ve also made this and this)
Balsamic reduction (NOT OPTIONAL! I use this, but you’re welcome to make some, too)

Optional add-ons: some slivers of green onion, a few walnuts scattered about (candied, maybe?), diced celery or cucumber, or just go nuts and make the whole thing Greek by using feta and some Greek, oregano-based dressing.

Arrange the iceberg wedges on a platter. Drizzle wedges with blue cheese dressing, then scatter blue cheese crumbles and tomatoes. Drizzle balsamic glaze over everything. Then, I like to set the whole thing in the fridge for at least 20 minutes to make sure its all ice cold. Throw on the crumbled bacon. Eat with a steak knife and a fork and extra toppings if needed.

Serves 4, for normal people.

I'm copying this recipe pretty much verbatim from my Instagram post, because I think I captured the spirit of it pretty well...

How to make an Emily-style “Hippie Salad” (as my husband calls them):
--1 can of beans, rinsed and drained (black, cannellini, chickpeas, whatever)
--part of an English cucumber, seeds scooped out, absent-mindedly chopped
--some kind of sweet pepper, maybe half? diced
--some salty/tangy cheese: goat, feta, cotija, etc.
--herbs or green onions: the saddest cilantro left in the fridge is fine, as seen here, or parsley, etc.

--a “dressing” of roughly-equal-parts-but-I-never-measure olive oil + something tart (lemon juice, any kind of vinegar), maybe 2 Tbsp. of each? Salt and pepper.
--optional: a bit of jalapeño, some smoked paprika or cayenne, pretty much any other kind of crunchy veggie, *maybe* some meat if you really have to.

Combine. Gross out husband with your love of beans. Make extra dressing if you want to serve over a pile of greens. Consume while frantically grading papers.

Favorite combos: the chickpea+lemon+goat cheese option seen here or a black bean+lime+cotija mix, also a chickpea+green onion+rice vinegar+no cheese, or, get this, cannellini+lemon+parsley+a bit of tuna+celery